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#childhood #house

"This is the place where I grew up". It took you a while to realize that I was not kidding. We had too little things in common, let alone our childhood memories.

- My father taught me to ride a bike.
- My father never teaches me anything.

Maybe that was one thing we had in common growing up: the ever struggle to deal with the absence of a father in our lives. "I'm afraid I will never get over it", you told me one day. I said "It was over between me and him, a long time ago."

If your father were still here, would you tell him about me?
If my father had never left, would I even have been with you?

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#makeup

I was in your bathroom, trying in vain to clean the black straits of mascara running on my face with your soap. You knocked on the door, asking if everything was fine. I was wondering whether you were really ready to see my face without make-up.

My tears were all black. If I walked out to be with you now, I'd have to drop everything I had been wearing in the name of so-called love and dignity...
Would I ever be ready to face myself again in the mirrow without these masks?

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#morningafter

It was sunny outside, maybe it was already noon. Your eyes were still closed when you asked me "What are we going to do?". Then you opened your eyes, and then I saw the horrifying look on your face. I asked myself "What have I got myself into?".

I asked you to go back to sleep: "This doesn't mean anything. Everything is gonna be alright". I knew you would be alright, and we would be alright.
For a moment I thought I found the answer for my own question.But it didn't mean anything neither.

I closed the door behind, trying not to wake you up.

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#joke

Sometimes your vulnerability melted my heart. Sometimes it just drove me nuts. Sometimes it made me smile and I wanted to kiss you. But sometimes it almost made me frown. I never frowned though, I ended up smiling instead.

Sometimes you could sense my sarcasm, and you got upset. You asked "Is everything a joke to you?". And I just wanted to tell you to grow up, really...

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#rose

I showed you something I wrote a few years back on the tiny screen of my phone. You said: "It was beautiful". And then a long silence, before you reached for my hands and gently said "Take care". That's how our Sunday ritual came to an end. You could have at least hugged me, but you didn't.

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#sunday #rain

You would always been there before me. We would run around the lake, and walked back to the 24-hour coffeshop at the end of the park. One morning it was rainning heavily, I got lazy and turned my alarm off. Later I knew you were waiting at the carpark for hours. Thank God you didn't run under the rain. I would never miss our Sunday run again, unless when either of us was not in town.

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#coffee

We both ordered the same drink. Or you just wanted to have whatever I was having

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#taxi


We got home late last night, so I didn't sleep much. This was the first time G. stayed over. Maybe it was the drinks, or maybe I was not used to sharing my bed with another person.

I made some tea and left a note on the table letting him know I went out for a run. Maybe he would still be sleeping by the time I got back. His face looked like he was having a peaceful dream.

I put my trainers on and went downstairs to get a cab.

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#temptation

We could resist that, at least in the beginning. At one point, we both decided to give in. Everything else suddenly turned weightless compared to temptation. We walked away from something we both thought we treasured. And stepped straight into the land of emptiness.

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#shoes

I had been walking the empty streets of K. for hours. It was June, and it was supposed to be rainning. But I got lucky, it was sunny in the day and a bit chilled in the evening.

There was something surreal about wandering the streets in a strange city at night. It felt like I could fall in love with anyone and anything instantly for no reason. I thought of you often, I even missed you sometimes. But never for a moment I wished that you were there with me. I sent you a message, telling you my feet hurted, and you told me to soak them in hot water before heading back to the streets again.

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#lipstick

I have always been wondering whether it was how things got started. I went to the bathroom to put my red lipstick back on again. At least I didn't put in on in front of you, it would have been too obvious.